why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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