I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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