would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
