i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize