so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
