the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
