idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
