we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
