I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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