you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
