Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize