im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
