Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
