I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
