i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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