Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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