take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I could fuck to npr.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
