a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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