Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Boobs are out for the taking
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
