When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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