I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
