I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
