I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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