my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
