Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
