Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize