Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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