I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
