my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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