Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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