I'm passing your future prison.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
