i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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