You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
