I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
