brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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