Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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