my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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