There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
