the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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