please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
