i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm really busy with my period
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