Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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