just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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