you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
