So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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