i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
