I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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