Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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