the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize