if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
