i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
