Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
