strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
