I swear she didn't look like that last week.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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