I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
