sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
