I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
