this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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