ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize