Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
