I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
