Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
