we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i barfeds in our rink
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I intend to get homeless drunk
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
