He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize