I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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