Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
