Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
