I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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