Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
