So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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