she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
