he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
