He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
These tits shall not be calmed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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