i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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