good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize