When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize