there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
