Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize