i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
