when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
