fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
