ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
