Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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