I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
